Starving for Love Read online

  "Love is more than enough. Love is all that matters."

  "You've been listening to Father Dominick too much. 'Love is patient, love is kind…'"

  "You shouldn't mock the Good Book," Blaise admonished. "Now let's hurry. I don't think your mother was joking this time."

  The corners of Kristian's lips twitched. "She would never throw me into the dungeon."

  Blaise mockingly gasped, and the two laughed. From the way Blaise glanced from the sea to him and back to the sea, it was obvious he wanted to speak more about Sirena, but he did not, for which the prince was grateful. Kristian wanted to think of her, and yet he didn't. He wanted to be with her, not with Blaise. Although he was a prince and tethered to his kingdom, he would follow her anywhere, even to the depth of the ocean, if she but asked him to.

  ****

  Dinner was a delicious spread of fish and spices and bread and drink. The dining hall was full of happy people: nobles, knights, squires. Pages ran to and fro with drink and food for everyone. Candles set the room ablaze so that the stone hall was as bright as it was for the midmorning meal.

  Kristian spoke little, which displeased his mother, especially because he paid her no mind. Finally his conscience demanded he say, "I'm sorry, Mother."

  She sighed and pouted. He had her dark coloring, but his father's strong build. Queen Trinity was a fragile woman. "The crown will one day be yours, and then your son's. But first, you must be wed."

  He somehow refrained from groaning. "I have to get going." Wiping his mouth with a cloth napkin, he pushed his chair back with his legs and stood.

  "Going where?" his father, King Derick, asked.

  Kristian glanced around the dining hall. Blaise was talking animatedly with several other men so he couldn't use his friend as an excuse. He blurted out the first name he could think of — other than Sirena's, of course. "Father Dominick."

  "What need has the priest of you?" His father reached for his golden goblet.

  "He asked for me, and I promised I would go. Please excuse me." Kristian dipped his head and fled the room. Although he had lied to his parents about being asked for, he did seek out the priest and found him in the castle chapel. Despite his mother wishing he attended service every Sunday, Kristian only went a few times a month.

  "Ah, the prince." The old priest's gnarled spotted hands clasped his cherry oak cane, his knuckles white. He hobbled away from the altar toward Kristian. "How can I help you?"

  "First, I must ask the Lord for forgiveness. I lied to my parents." He hung his head and sat down in the last pew, hoping the elderly priest would do likewise.

  Father Dominick stared down at him. "Are you sorry for lying?"

  "Not exactly," he answered honestly.

  "You can't ask forgiveness for something you don't wish to be forgiven for." The priest shook his head, but a faint twinkle glittered in his eyes.

  Kristian furrowed his brow. "Father…"

  "What is troubling you, my son? You know you can talk to me about anything."

  The prince slid down farther into the wooden pew, and Father Dominick sat beside him.

  "If I had to venture a guess, this has something to do with your upcoming nuptials," the priest added.

  "Not exactly, Father."

  "A girl, then."

  Kristian raised his eyebrows. Surely, Father Dominick didn't know about Sirena. His throat now dry, he swallowed. Save for Blaise, he had never spoken to anyone about Sirena. He stared at the magnificent crucifix hanging from the ceiling before looking at his shoes, feeling ashamed for wondering in such a holy setting if sea creatures existed. Even so, he still asked, "Father, do you believe in selkies?"

  "Ah, been talking to the Irishmen, have you? They have lots of legends and myths." Father Dominick nodded shrewdly. His right hand trembled as he leaned onto his cane.

  "You didn't answer my question," Kristian pointed out.

  "Young whippersnapper, I'll pray you learn some patience. It would do you good. I'm getting there. Legends and myths begin because people can't believe what their eyes have seen, what their ears have heard. The stories, at their root, have nuggets of truth."

  Kristian whistled in a deep breath. "So you do believe in selkies."

  "I believe that if the Lord wanted there to be selkies, there are selkies. Now that I answered your question, answer mine." Father Dominick leaned closer, and Kristian could smell broth and vegetables on his breath. "Why are you asking about selkies?"

  The prince wanted to confide in the priest, but he couldn't. Nor could he lie to the man of God, so he refrained from answering.

  "If you're meaning to find one and claim her as your own and make her your bride, I would advise against it. Selkies belong to the sea. They can never be happy on land, not truly happy." With a groan, Father Dominick lumbered to his feet. "Best to find yourself another dream, lad."

  Kristian stared at the brilliant white cloth on the altar as he listened to the slow gait of the priest, then the opening and closing of the chapel door. When he was alone, he slumped forward and covered his face with his hands. If Sirena was a selkie, he would never dare to steal away her sealskin to keep her by his side. He would never force her to do anything. Nor would he ever ask her if she was one. If all he could do was spend time with her for a few hours one night every month, he would be grateful for that and not ask for more, too terrified he'd lose her otherwise.

  Chapter Three

  Sirena's happiness at seeing Kristian had dissipated by the time she reached the kingdom of Oceanica. His being a prince changed everything. All of her fantasies, all of her hopes and dreams — they all seemed so pathetic now. She never had a chance with him before, yet she had clung to hope. Now that hope had died.

  Her mood became even fouler when Cordula swam up to her and said, "Father is looking for you."

  Sirena wrung her hands. "Does he suspect?"

  "Of course not," Cordula said. "I told you I would keep your little secret and cover for you, and I did. But find me after you talk to him."

  She flicked her tail in response and glided through the waves to the castle to the throne room. Her father leaned against his polished black stone throne, several mermen hovering near him. When he glanced up and saw her, he waved them away. Once they were alone, he said, "Come closer, my child."

  Sirena did as commanded. She had always loved the throne room. It emanated her father's power, reminding her of his love and protection.

  If only he could have protected my heart…

  "You may not think I've noticed," he began, his deep voice thundering throughout the room, echoing off the coral walls, "but I know you've been sneaking off."

  Her heart pounded so hard her chest ached. "I—"

  "I don't mind if you go exploring. Within reason and with a bodyguard. The sea witches have been active lately, and I can't stand the thought of you — or any of my daughters — becoming entangled with the likes of them. They're vicious, nasty creatures. Their powers have caused them to think themselves goddesses and…" He trailed off with a snort. "You know well how I feel about them."

  Sirena nodded, still unable to speak. How lucky she was that he did not realize where she had been going! If he even suspected she was going to the surface, he would lock her up in the deepest part of the ocean, and she would never see blue water again, only the murky blackness of the depths.

  As far as the sea witches were concerned, Sirena knew where they lived, but that was the extent of her knowledge. She had never met one nor saw the need to seek one out. Some of the other mermaids would barter for love potions or other spells. Sirena already had love.

  No. Kristian was not hers to love.

  "Is that all, Father?" she asked, her voice faint.

  "Yes, my child."

  Sirena bowed and fled the room. Outside, she bumped into Cordula and Diona. Her sisters each took one of her arms. "Hello?" she asked hesitantly. What now?

  "You're coming with us." The sneaky grin on Cordula's face made Sire
na's heart sink.

  "Where to?" she asked, dreading the answer.

  "You'll find out." Diona giggled.

  Her face must have given away her trepidation as Cordula snickered. "Relax. We aren't going to get you into that much trouble."

  Diona knocked into her fishy hip. "Actually, how much trouble depends on you."

  Sirena gulped. If Diona was involved, it meant mermen, and probably more rather than less, as Diona was known to say, "The more mermen, the better." By far the most flirtatious of them all, she was the siren of the mermaid princesses.

  "If you're planning on matching me up with someone—" She cut herself off. Maybe this was what she needed — to forget all about Kristian and try to move on.

  Not that that would be an easy task.

  They swam along, out of their underwater palace and toward a lagoon. Her sisters directed her toward a small cave to the left. It was dark inside, and it took her eyes a few minutes to adjust when a school of tiny sparkle fish swam by. Their light almost blinded her. When she stopped blinking, a tall merman appeared, as if conjured by magic. His shoulder-length black hair rippled in the soft waves, his long tail a deep green-black color. Despite the giggles and suggestive glances from Cordula and Diona, he wore a stoic expression on his face, which Sirena begrudgingly respected.

  Diona released her and flew up to him. "This is Bastin."

  Cordula dragged Sirena until she swam in place in front of him. "He's one of father's soldiers. Doesn't he have strong biceps?"

  On cue, Bastin made a muscle, but Sirena caught him rolling his eyes a little. Could he not want to be here as much as she?

  She gasped as Cordula yanked her arm and forced her to touch his arm. He was solid, firm, real. Too real.

  Sirena ripped herself free and stared at his tail. She didn't want to be touching this Bastin or anyone else her sisters paraded in front of her. All she wanted was Kristian.

  And not only because of Kristian's good looks, because Bastin was just as pleasing to look at, if not more so. She already missed Kristian's smile, his easygoing nature, the way they could just talk about hopes and dreams, nothing important and yet everything important. Although she might not know all the intimate details of his life, she didn't need to in order to love him. How easy it was to make him laugh!

  Sirena loved Kristian. She was in love with him. Nothing would change that. He had burrowed a way into her heart, and her heart would never be wholly hers again.

  Done with their foolishness, she glowered at her sisters. "I don't know what they told you, but I'm—"

  "Don't listen to her," Cordula cut in. "She's—"

  "I'm—"

  "Sirena's much too shy to ask you this herself, but she would love to have dinner with you tonight. Say, just before the tide?" Diona added.

  Cordula leapt forward, as if she knew what her sister intended to do, but Sirena managed to dart away and flicked her fin so hard she slapped the water. It stung, but it propelled her away before anyone could reach her.

  Once the cave was well behind her, she slowed down. Perhaps time would make things easier. Mayhap she just had to wait, and her feelings would wane, like the tide. Maybe she shouldn't go to see him next month.

  But deep in her heart, she knew she would not be able to keep away.

  Chapter Four

  Kristian waited for the month to pass with none of the patience of a saint. The prince argued with his father, tried to appease his mother yet vexed her more than not, and avoided Father Dominick, even to the extent of missing every church service. He also fought with Blaise some, although Blaise had no problem squaring off against him as they fenced so Kristian could blow off some steam.

  At last, the day arrived. Kristian had no appetite and ate little, which made his mother pleased. Probably thinks I'm lovesick over a princess. Last week, his mother had hosted a ball, with several ladies and princesses in attendance. Unbeknownst to his mother, Kristian had ducked out after two dances.

  He searched throughout the castle, unable to locate Blaise. His mother approached from the far end of the long corridor so Kristian ducked into the library. To his surprise, his friend was not only in there, he was engrossed in a large tome.

  Kristian walked over. "I didn't know you could read," he teased.

  "Very funny," Blaise said dryly as he blinked and rubbed his eyes.

  "What are you… Oh." Kristian stared at the colorful image on the page, that of a part-female, part-fish creature. She would have been beautiful if not for the viciously pointed daggers for teeth that overcrowded her mouth.

  "There are legends of many sea creatures." Blaise flipped through the pages, and Kristian caught glimpses of other pictures. "Selkies, sirens, water fairies—"

  The prince groaned. "I thought you would drop this folly."

  "Today's the day, right? Why not ask her?"

  "I will not," he barked, the back of his throat tickling.

  "What harm could come of it?" He stared up at Kristian's face and sighed. "Fine. Then ask her to bathe beside you."

  "I will not!"

  Blaise rolled his eyes. "Sunbathe. Calm yourself."

  "I will not do anything to jeopardize my relationship with her." He reached over. Blaise made no move to stop him as he closed the book.

  "What kind of a relationship do you have, if you keep secrets from each other?"

  "How do you know she's hiding anything from me?" Kristian retorted.

  "Have you told her you're a prince yet?"

  "She knows." The prince winced, knowing full well the only reason Sirena gained such knowledge was not because he had shared that detail with her.

  Why had he kept his identity a secret?

  Because everyone treated him differently once they knew who he was. No one treated him as an equal. That was, no one save for Sirena.

  Would she still do so, now that she knew the truth?

  He hoped so and sent up a quick prayer that was the case. Although would God bother to listen, considering he hadn't made the time for Him as of late?

  Kristian sighed and tugged on the ends of his short hair.

  "You've been doing that a lot these past few weeks," Blaise observed.

  "What?"

  "Pulling your hair. You used to do that when you were little and someone wanted you to do something you didn't want to."

  Kristian crossed his arms and tapped his foot. He sat across from Blaise. "I'm sorry. I've been an awful person lately."

  "Yes. And the source of your unhappiness is this girl. Don't you think that means something?"

  The prince did not want another lecture and shifted his gaze from his friend to the wooden bookshelves behind him. Tomes of all colors and sizes lined them. He read the titles until he recognized the silence as Blaise waiting for a response. Despite knowing Blaise wanted him to be happy, he felt anything but, and knew that would change the moment he saw his sea-maiden again.

  "If you're trying to tell me I shouldn't go see her…" he started.

  Blaise held up his hand. "I know better than to suggest that. I only want you to think about your future and whether or not your future can include her."

  Kristian nodded. Blaise was a good friend, his best friend. How could he be upset with Blaise when he only wanted to help?

  "Don't worry about your parents. I'll cover for you like I always do."

  "Thank you. You deserve more than I can give you," he said eagerly, his thoughts swimming toward Sirena.

  "Actually, you could give me a great deal. Gold, treasure…"

  Kristian snorted, willing to give anything for the chance to have time with her. "Name your price."

  "The first girl you danced with at the ball. Introduce me to her."

  Kristian furrowed his brow. "The … brunette?"

  "The blonde." Blaise rolled his eyes. "Please tell me you remember her name."

  The prince shrugged, remembering little from the ball other than his loneliness.

  Blaise shook his head and clasp
ed his hands to his chest in an exaggerated dramatic fashion. "Can't say I'm not surprised. Now go. Have your time with Sirena."

  Kristian clapped his hand onto Blaise's shoulder and waltzed out of the library. As he strolled out of the castle, he couldn't help shaking the sudden feeling that his time with Sirena would be short. Exceedingly short.

  ****

  The sun sank low on the horizon until it melted into the dark ocean, but Kristian refused to leave the beach.

  Sirena will come; I know she will. She will not break her promise.

  He waded forward in the fast cooling water until he was neck deep. Time passed. His arms and legs moved slower, and he drifted toward the shore. The reflection of the moon shimmered in front of him, and he slammed his fist into it. Where was she? Why hadn't she come?

  The answer came to him swiftly, and he hunched over, as if someone had punched his stomach. She had not come because of who he was.

  No, that didn't make sense. He knew Sirena better than that. His being a prince would mean little to nothing to her.

  Perhaps she was disappointed in him for keeping his identity a secret from her. He could only place the blame for that on himself.

  He thought of Blaise and his crazy ideas that Sirena was more than she seemed. Could Sirena truly have kept that large of a secret from him all these years? After all, he had hidden one about himself.

  They always spent time together just before the darkness of night came. Kristian never saw her when the sun was high or without shadows crossing her face. He never saw her legs. The two never swam together, or if they did, Sirena did seem to keep some distance between them and always stayed behind him.

  Could Blaise have been on to something?

  No. Of course not. Legends were just that — legends. Nothing more.

  Muttering curses, Kristian swam to the shore. Sirena had abandoned him. She had broken her promise.

  When he reached the beach, he stood and closed his eyes. Water dripped down his face and tickled his neck. He ignored it and focused on the memory of Sirena's face. Her eyes, her hands clasped to her chest — she had meant every word of her promise.